This will be part of a series where I will discuss the dangers of pornography and why every man should avoid it as if it were the plague. First, let’s start with my story.
I was about 11 years old when I was first exposed to pornography. I was on my family’s computer looking for pictures of NASCARs to print out and hand on the walls of my room (oddly enough, I’ve never really been into NASCAR, but for some reason was interested in it for a little bit back then). I clicked on a link and was taken to a site with porn (although, I can’t remember if the site said it was NASCAR and it wasn’t, or if I was curious about the click-bait and went to a porn site). I knew what I saw on the site was wrong, but I strangely liked it. I found myself sneaking on the family computer to “look for car and sports pictures” but was really clicking on one of the dozen porn sites that came up with searches for sports photos on Yahoo (this was in the late ’90s by the way). Soon after I would find myself searching directly for porn.
I found myself searching for nude pictures in general, and then nudes of celebrities. Eventually, I found free sites that I liked and would return to them again and again. As I got older, I would sneak onto the computer whenever I could to view my favorite sites and satisfy my addiction. My parents caught me a few times, which resulted in being grounded and being taught how my addiction was wrong; however, it never really held up. It wasn’t until I had a spiritual experience when I was 20 that I was able to break the addiction (I won’t go into that; ya’ll don’t need the complete unabridged version).
In the middle of my addiction, probably around 16 or 17, I found myself no longer believing in God. My addiction killed my spirituality and any feeling in my heart, to the point that I no longer had love or passion for anything. I didn’t feel anything. There was no sorrow, but also no joy. Anytime something got hard, I resorted to porn. Anytime I was disappointed or “happy,” I resorted to porn. While it was kinda nice to not feel pain or sadness, it was also disheartening to realize that nothing made me happy anymore. When I was able to break the addiction, I became so much happier. I found joy in subjects and activities. I had less anxiety and more confidence. And I was able to find God again. However, breaking the addiction isn’t very easy, and you are never completely free.
Breaking the addiction has been hard. I had some relapses along the way (and some “relapses” were with what some people might not consider porn, but addicts do). And to this day, I have to be extremely careful and vigilant so that I do not fall back into the addiction; therefore, you are never truly free. You can be free of the constant worry and fighting, but without careful planning and prayer, you will be vulnerable to relapse.
So there is my story. In my next post, I will talk about why pornography is so dangerous for men (and women), for many different reasons and aspects of daily life.